158 What's new with me?

I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my blog. I have some stuff I'd like to share ... some emotional stuff I'd like to sort out ... but you know how THAT is .. . it's not the kind of stuff you want to share with EVERYONE. .... cuz I love transparency, but it's not without it's risks. Like, say that a year from now baby daddy and I aren't getting along and he takes me to court. I still remember the LAST time when the lawyer for the house battle read my blog in court!!! That REALLY sucked. It's not like I have any concerns about ANYONE reading my blog NOW. But if situations CHAAANNNNGED it might not be wise to put certain stuff up. Might be possible to use it as proof that I am "emotional" or "she steals elephant tusks?!?!? What???!!! OMG!" or whatever. You know?

And I get the feeling that my e mail sends people to my blog! I know this because once, but I don't remember how, I saw what someone who SENDS me mail sees .... and it sends this update like: and see what Wendster is writing about in her blog! Well there are some real jerks who have my e mail address. I don't want THEM reading those blog posts. That's who I am really thinking about. Not thinking about ANY of YOU, my loyal bloggy buddies. Truly. Honestly. Don't worry. It's not you. I promise. And I wouldn't care if "jerks" read my blog either if they just didn't lurk. If they just said they were one of my readers and was that OK with me. That would be fine. I'd include them. Yup.

I remember reading another blog where this woman had a password on some of her entries and thought that was the way to go ... so if any of you know how to do that, (where I post a blog entry and you write me for the password) I would LOVE it if you would tell me how to do it. Because I've been doing some "work" on myself and found some really interesting stuff and I could REEEEEAAAALLLLY use your input, bloggy friends. Or just a listening ear.

Also ... I am sad today. I am just really feeling the weirdness of NOT having a regular job. I still have those three little odd jobs. Both interviews went very well and the one woman is ready to hire me now, I think ... just need to call her back ... but until that happens I just feel the frightening absence of a paycheck. It feels scary. And I feel alone. Cuz I kind of am alone. But this time the "alone" feels vulnerable. And I feel worry. But ... I am on day one of you know what (here's a clue: my "." Must we talk about that? lol) So I'm sure I'm just hormonal combined with jobless combined with a little broken hearted. OK. A lot. Sooooo alot. But everything happens for a reason. So I'll be fine. I've said that many times before. But I remember thinking that with the whole housing situation and though I am fine NOW I remember that it was a ROUGH RIDE. Well ... you were there. You know. I way prefer certainty and stability. Yup I do.

OK. Need to go find my cell phone charger. I think I left it at the mural yesterday, where I finally worked on the trees!!!!! Oh my gosh their bark is coming out BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait to show you that! I think you are going to love it. Just sayin'.

I love you guys and I look forward to visiting your blogs VERY soon. Heck ... I'm unemployed. I have lots of time to come visit. ha.

But seriously? I LOVE YOU GUYS! thanks for the way you stick with me through it all. Truer friends there never were. I wish blessings on all of your heads. You rock! Like boulder size rocking. Thank you thank you thank you. Mua. xoxooxox I will post tree bark pics soon. Promise.